You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
