I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you win again, gameday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
