Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
