im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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