who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
