Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
