New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
