Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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