I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
