Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
