benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
