The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
