the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
