Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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