I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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