I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize