Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A+ Viking dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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