I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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