Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across