On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
