Only a mothe r could love this liver
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers