My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches