I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
