Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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