At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
