I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
