walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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