I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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