"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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