Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
