OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
