You're so nebulous sometimes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
