i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
