You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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