i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
