the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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