I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
