ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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