Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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