i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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