He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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