I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
