All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
