at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
