I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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