Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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