Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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