People in love make me want to vomit
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
