is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
