It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
