Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You took a bar mat shot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
