First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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