So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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