I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i think i just lost a toe
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
