Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
