I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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