just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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