I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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