i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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