Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
