I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
