big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
please don't ironically join a cult
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