i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
