and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
