i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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