I could have mohawked her pubes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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