i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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