Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
