no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
