Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
