So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
