I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
