just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
