In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
