Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
