Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
