I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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