I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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