You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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