You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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