So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
