Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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